Parent Teacher Conferences.. Prepare Yourself My Friends

If you have been teaching for a while, I am sure you have experienced the wide array of personalities that spawned those beautiful learners you get to work with every day. Parent Teacher Conferences are the one time you get to sit down and spill out everything you have learned about your students in 10-15 minutes. If you are lucky, you get to do this twice a year. They take skill, organization, and honesty. You have to show parents that you care and that you are an advocate for their child. I will get to all of my tips and tricks to changing your conferences into Student Led Conferences at the bottom of this post, but first, I thought I would help you to get to know the parents that you will be working with so you can be prepared for anything that comes up.

The Crier

This is the parent who is either so proud of the accomplishments their child has made, they don't know what else to do about their child's misbehavior in class, or they are just so overwhelmed with their own personal life that they end of crying at some point during the conference. I have to admit that with 5 children, I have shed a tear or two for all of the above reasons at conferences. This parent needs reassurance that you are there for their child, you will do whatever it takes, and you are not giving up. If the parent only talks about their own personal life and their own turmoil (which has also happened) try to listen for a minute and then turn the conversation back to the child by saying, "I am so sorry you are going through so much. Here is a tissue. But, we only have 10 minutes together, so let's try to focus in on Courtney for now."  If they are happy tears, just keep going and acknowledge the hard work that the student and parent have put in. If they are sad or frustrated tears, brainstorm with the parent and student on how you can help the student reach his or her goals. 

The Demander

This is the parent that demands more for their child.  In my second year of teaching I actually had a parent slam their hand down on the table and say, "So what do we have to do to get my kid into the gifted program next year." They demand special opportunities, "My son needs tutoring. I have no clue how to do common core and cannot help him at home. The school district should be providing this for him." They may demand more homework or less homework. Basically, this is the parent that isn't very nice about asking for something that they want for their child. The first thing to do is to take a breath, pause and listen. Write down what they would like, and try to see what you can do to help. It is best to remember that this parent isn't just being abrupt to get under your skin, they just want to get to the point and quickly. Even though it may seem odd to you, they really want what they think is best for their child. 

The Blank Stare or Nervous Parent

This is the parent that feels uncomfortable with a teacher. Maybe they were raised to not speak up to a teacher or had a bad experience with a teacher of their own in the past. Maybe they just have so much on their mind that they just want to get through this 10-15 minutes with you and then move onto their next child's conference. Whatever the reason, this is the parent that just stares and listens. It is hard to get them to ask any questions and produce a conversation. You and/or the student are definitely doing most of the talking on this one. 

The Educator

This conference will go two ways. The educator is the parent who also teaches, works in a school, is on the school board, or is an administrator. If this person is happy with what they've seen coming home, you haven't heard from them. If they are not happy, you have probably heard from them at least once a week. This is the person that expects you to be at the same level as they see themselves and their school colleagues at. They know common core standards and they know best teaching practices. You may feel comfortable with this teacher, or you may feel uncomfortable the whole time wondering if you are being judged. You are bound to hear, "We do that in my school, you don't need to explain it to me." You may also hear, "Can you please send me a copy of that. I love this." If you are doing student led conferences, this parent will love this idea and may even expect it. 

The Negotiator

This is the parent that is not very happy with their child's grades and they feel they can negotiate to get them higher. They may not be happy with a comment on the report card and want it removed. Maybe they feel that you were being a bit harsh on an assignment. This parent will offer up evidence to get you to change that grade. When put in this situation, it can be very easy to get defensive at first. If this happens, take a minute and think about what they are saying. Could they be right? Is it a comment that can be easily removed without changing anything, but making the parent happy. If not, and you feel strongly that you have given the correct grade or written the correct comment, be prepared to back that up with evidence from class. Use your formative assessments or student work to back up your decision and statement, or share the student's work compared to another student's work in the same class. (Take off names of course!) Data is data and they cannot argue with that. 

The Non-Believer

This is the parent that is hearing rave reviews or negative things about their child and they just cannot believe what they are hearing because their child is a complete nightmare or wonderful at home. This parent is shocked that their child is listening and quiet in class because they never shut up at home, or their child is excellent at home and misbehaves in school. This is also the child that is on task and does all of their work in class, but cries and fights with mom and dad about doing any sort of school work when home. These parents leave happy or surprised. So, what part do you play in all this? Show them the proof! Parents may think you are just being nice when you are complimenting great behavior and work, but when you show them the proof, they cannot deny what is happening in class. The same goes for the student who is great at home, but struggles in class. This happens a lot when you have a parent telling you their child does the work just fine at home, but in school you are not seeing the same thing. You have to remind the parents that you can only grade them on what you see in school.
The Appreciative Parent

This is the parent that appreciates everything you do. This parent may even show up with a small gift of appreciation to get you through the long night of conferences. This parent cannot even imagine how you do this every day, and are just so thankful for you and what you do. This parent sees the hard work you have put into their child and sees the extra effort you take. This conference will go smoothly and whether it is just you talking or the student talking, they will love you for having this conference with them. 

So, how do you take all of these personalities and have an effective conference with parents? The answer is simple!

STUDENT LED CONFERENCES

What do you need to do to get started?

• Tell parents to bring their child to the conference and that their child will be leading the conference themselves. You may have parents uncomfortable with this, but assure them that you are all in this together and the student needs to see that we are all a team. 
• Send a survey home ahead of time. Here is one that I have used that really helps to have a focus for the short time with the parents. Parent Teacher Conference Survey
• Prepare the kids. Hopefully you have done some goal setting with students already. If you haven't don't worry! You can use this quick one page script to help you out. Student Led Conference Script A script is huge! The kids need to have something to go off of and know that their time is short. They can read it right from the script or they can make bullet points for the conversation. You will do this as a whole class and students will make it unique to them. 
• There are lots of student led conference resources on Teachers Pay Teachers. I have used a packet in the past that has students self assess their behaviors and lists their goals for the conference and year. I am working on developing one of my own, but it isn't complete yet. 
• Have data and student work ready for kids to share. Tell them when they are planning they have some choices to make. Most parents want to hear about behavior, reading, math, and writing. However, if you have kids who are really into Science and Social Studies, then they can share that information as well. (This is from an elementary perspective, but of course in high school or junior high they would do this for the subject you teach.)
• Have a timer ready. You do not want to get behind in your conferences. 
• Have the kids practice with a friend the day of or the day before the conference. 
• Keep all of the materials with you. You will have kids who don't come with the parent because of other commitments. So you will need to share what the student wrote down. 
• What is so awesome about the kids making everything is that if a parent doesn't show or come to conferences, you can send it with the child and have a parent sign off that they saw it and had a conversation with their child. (Ensuring that 100% of your class has had some sort of a conference.)
• Be organized. Once you know your schedule, have everything out and ready in order of your conferences. Have your list outside your door and highlight the names as you greet each parent. This lets those in the hallway know where you are in your schedule. It also helps you to stay organized. Oh and don't forget to block out a few times for a bathroom break!
• If you have kids who can't read: K-1 students can do this too, they will just need more guidance. You can share data with parents for half of the time and then you can have the student share what they are doing well and what they are having a hard time with in class. 

These are just a few tips and tricks. The best way to do this, is to just jump in and try it! I can tell you that since I have started this, I have had no "Criers", "Demanders", "Blank Starers", or "Negotiators." The "Educators" are excited and appreciative of the process and the "Non-Believers" just look right at their child and discuss the disbelief while you are all together. I have found my students loved the experience. Some get very nervous and some are so excited, but through it all they see you, their parents, and them are all working together to help them have the most successful year ever. 

Help Me, I'm Drowning!

Help Me, I'm Drowning!

I know I'm not the only one that has felt like I was drowning in work and family obligations. While I would love to blame it on our long summer and just adjusting to being back to work after 8-9 weeks, I find that this happens every year. Yes, summers make it a little easier to manage, but even then I am working hard. I read educational books to get better for the next year. I am creating items for my classroom or the teachers I am working with, and I attend trainings. I think I had one week this past summer that I actually didn't work or worry about work, and it took me going to Ireland to make that happen. In other words, we can't blame it on adjusting back to working every day. 

So once I accept the fact that it must be me, I think about me as a teacher over these past 17 years. Have I always worked every night and weekend??? Embarrassingly enough, the answer is yes. This has been something I have struggled with my entire teaching career. In all honesty, it goes back even before that to when I was a student. I have always wanted to perform at my best. I guess, many would describe me as a Type A personality. I was never satisfied with a "B" in class so why would I be satisfied with not giving 110% of myself on a daily basis to my students and school? 

My guess is that most teachers have this same thinking. They want to do their best for these kids. We get 9 months with them to make them their best and get them to their full potential. That is a lot of pressure! To make it worse, teachers have the added pressure of having their evaluations tied to this student growth, along with spending hours and hours of their time finding evidence to support their professional practice as an educator. This is all in addition to planning, making formative assessments, finding engaging activities and tasks for kids, grading, communicating with families, attending school events, participating in their PLC's, and dealing with students in crisis. If you have a family you do all of these things, and then go straight to a volleyball or basketball game, clean up the house, run some errands, cook/eat dinner, and maybe work out of your lucky. By the time you sit down, you are so exhausted that it takes just second for you to pass out!

This past year, I realized that I wasn't any good to anyone at home. My husband got the worst of me. I was so crabby and on edge. I was working all day, going in early and staying late after school only to come home and do more work! I was checking emails every night and replying to parents at 10-11p.m. I was attending my son's games and not really watching because my head was spinning with all of the things I had to get done or could try differently the next day. I was drowning. I began looking for other types of jobs. Maybe I could work at a restaurant and get great tips? Maybe I could be a motivational coach? I could work at the office in town and be off at 3:30 every day and bring no work home. When I talked to my husband about this, he stopped me and asked me if I would feel fulfilled. He reminded me that I got into teaching for a reason. That was all it took to remind me of the passion I had for working with kids and adults. I needed to make some changes to be able to handle all of my responsibilities. 

So, that's exactly what I did. I made some changes that I am still working on today and I started seeing some changes in myself and in the way I taught my kids. When I was "present and in the moment" I enjoyed my time with family and they enjoyed their time with me. I soon found out that if I didn't get to that one item on my list, the world didn't come to an end the next day. I examined the assignments I was giving and whether they needed to be graded or if I could just quickly take data on them right there in the moment. I realized that when I took time to work out 30 minutes a day, I felt happier and had more patience with others. I started writing down each day what I was thankful for, and it made me a happier person.  

I knew there had to be other ideas, so I went out to my Facebook friends and asked what they do to have balance in life. I've created this chart for you to easily print off and keep handy. I hope this helps you to gain more family time and be a more effective teacher this year. It has definitely helped me! Click here for the link. I separated this chart into 8 sections. I suggest you choose one thing from one section to try. If you find success, then try to add another thing to try. If you don't find success, don't give up! Pick something else to try from a different section. Some people just aren't morning people or can't go in early or stay late because of daycare. You have to pick things that will work for you! I wanted to thank Catherine for reminding me of the "Oxygen Mask Mantra" and  my Facebook friends Becky, Paula, Stephanie, Amanda, Kandi, Patti, Brooke, Kelli, Mary Ann, Jen, and Carrie for their suggestions for this post. 

Achieve Balance Chart

If you have any questions about any items on the chart, or would like to add some suggestions for those reading, please comment in the section below! I'd love to hear from you. 

And for your viewing pleasure, one final video abut our role as a teacher.